Du or Sie? German Formality Rules Explained Simply
German distinguishes informal 'du' from formal 'Sie'. Use Sie with strangers, elders, officials, and colleagues until invited otherwise; use du with children, friends, and family. Offering 'du' is itself a small social ritual — usually initiated by the senior person.
Choose wrong and nobody dies — but choosing right signals cultural competence instantly. Here's the complete map.
Default rules
| Situation | Use |
|---|---|
| Family, close friends, kids | du |
| Classmates/teammates your age | usually du |
| Strangers on the street | Sie |
| Shop/staff interactions | Sie |
| Colleagues | varies by company culture |
| Officials, doctors, teachers | Sie (always) |
How the verb changes
| du | Sie |
|---|---|
| du sprichst Deutsch | Sie sprechen Deutsch |
| Kommst du mit? | Kommen Sie mit? |
| Hast du Zeit? | Haben Sie Zeit? |
The du-offer ritual
Moving to du is explicitly offered: 'Wir können du sagen' or 'Duzen wir uns?'. Traditionally the older/higher-status person offers; younger may ask politely. In internet culture and startups, du is often instant.
If you get it wrong
Using du too early earns mild amusement at worst; using Sie with friends just sounds distant. Germans forgive learners generously — respond to correction with 'Entschuldigung, ich kann Sie duzen?' and you've turned an error into charm.
Frequently asked questions
Is Sie both 'she' and formal 'you'?
Yes — capital-S Sie is formal you; lowercase sie is she/they. Context and verb form disambiguate: Sie kommen (you formal) vs sie kommt (she comes).
Do young Germans still use Sie?
Increasingly less among themselves, but firmly with strangers, service staff, and anyone older. Startups skew du everywhere.
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